Enterprising families have been dealing with the confusion of contextual markers and the blurring of different domains since the beginning of time.
These negative effects on well-being come from confusion of contextual markers. Contextual markers are objects or events that define the context for those within. For example, when you pick up your briefcase before you walk out the door, that briefcase is a contextual marker that you are now entering the “work domain.” Coming home, kicking off your shoes, and putting on your favorite slippers is a contextual marker that you are leaving the work domain and transitioning back home. During COVID-19, these contextual markers were regularly blurred; our briefcases sat open on our beds, and we wore our slippers during video calls with clients – a circumstance that seems to prevail even though we are no longer confined to our homes.
Enterprising families have been dealing with the confusion of contextual markers and the blurring of different domains since the beginning of time. The lines between family, ownership, and business systems overlap daily, creating confusion over roles and expectations. Personal relationships, such as those between spouses or siblings, often intersect with professional roles, leading to a clashing of role identities and tensions that spill over between boardrooms and dinner tables. This lack of boundaries can strain relationships and decision-making, but it also presents opportunities to foster emotional intelligence, develop governance practices, and navigate these complexities with greater resilience and adaptability.
“They also leverage communication protocols to handle conflicts constructively and create accountability structures that balance professional expectations with personal relationships.”
So, what can non-family business leaders learn from family business leaders to help them reduce the stress that comes with the blurring of these domains?
Enterprising families manage the aforementioned blurred lines between family, ownership, and business domains by implementing structured governance practices and clear boundaries. They often establish formal mechanisms such as family councils, constitutions, shareholder agreements, and shareholder councils to address matters in defined spaces, like boardrooms, while reserving family discussions for personal settings. Rituals and rules help maintain distinct domains. They also leverage communication protocols to handle conflicts constructively and create accountability structures that balance professional expectations with personal relationships. These practices ensure that each domain retains its unique identity while fostering harmony and clarity across the family-business dynamic.
Here are four valuable lessons that we have learned through our work with enterprising families that can help non-family business leaders thrive:
Family business leaders have successfully navigated boundary overlap by creating distinct “rooms” for different roles. Banyan Global’s 4-Room model, for instance, designates an Owner Room, Board Room, Management Room, and Family Room, where specific topics pertaining to each of these domains are being discussed. While some see this as a conceptual framework, others take it more literally and dedicate four physical rooms in their home or office, where each of these topics can be discussed. One family with whom we worked had different meeting rooms on different floors of their headquarters, to host family, shareholder, management board, or foundation meetings. The idea behind this four-room system was to create distinct spaces for the discussion of these critical topics and reduce the constant discussion of the business, permeating the entire home.
Non-family leaders can learn from this practice by assigning spaces in their homes for work and personal activities. It need not be an entire room, for that might be unrealistic. It can simply be an area of the house or a piece of furniture, such as a small office, table, or set of chairs. Make a family agreement that work does not spill over into the dining area, living room, or bedroom, and, similarly, family time does not occur in the “workspace”. Maybe you avoid sitting down with your kids to draw something while at your desk, which might then prompt you to think about the presentation that is due for work the next day rather than on your children.
Additionally, creating rituals and symbolic gestures when switching from one “room” to the next can help your brain transition from “work mode” to “family mode”. This can be as easy as switching your clothes, going for a short walk in between, turning on music, or lighting a candle in the living room to shift the mood. Over time, such rituals can reinforce boundaries.
Successful enterprising families often create what are known as communication protocols, which can form part of a larger family constitution. These documents guide family members around communication rules, processes around bringing up and resolving conflict, feedback channels, confidentiality, and meeting space rules. Meeting space rules are meant to dictate when you discuss work and when you do not. For example, one family with whom we worked included the protocol that work was not to be discussed during mealtime or before bedtime. This allowed family members to create bounded time spaces where work was not discussed and instead, the focus could stay on the family.
Non-family business leaders can adopt similar time-based boundaries by deciding, as a family, to create time spaces where work can and cannot be discussed. As with the example of the family above, this could mean that mealtime and bedtime are places where work is not discussed. Or perhaps leaders should extend these boundaries to their professional team by clearly defining work hours and setting expectations around response time. Let your colleagues know that there are certain times of the day or on weekends and vacations when you will not respond to emails unless it is urgent. Such time-based boundaries reduce the mental load of always being “on” and provide predictable periods of focus for work versus family.
Family business leaders often face the temptation to checkin on relatives, who are both employees and family members, outside of work hours. For example, during a particularly important merger, one family business CEO in our network was tempted to reach out to his cousin over the weekend for a progress check on the financials for the merger. Instead, he resisted and decided that it would be sufficient to see him in the office on Monday. Doing so gave his cousin the reassurance and confidence that he was trusted to do his job, while simultaneously allowing the CEO the freedom to not feel obligated to work on the weekend.
Non-family business leaders can learn to avoid micromanagement by practicing trust and delegation, trusting that even when they are not “on duty”, your team is competent and can be trusted to do their work. This empowers them and allows you to be released from the obligation to micromanage, ultimately reducing their own stress levels. This results in a healthier and more balanced dynamic for both sides.
During crises, briefly allowing work to overlap with personal time can avert larger disruptions and showcase adaptability.
No matter how much contracting in which family business members engage, they still know that at times, work will be discussed in bed with their partner, they will delve into the latest business crisis during Sunday brunch with their parents, and they will check in on their sibling during a particularly critical time in the business. This relaxation or bending of rules is sometimes critical for allowing family business members to forgive themselves for the occasional violation of an agreement and understanding that there is a benefit to the occasion boundary crossing. For example, during a particularly critical time in the family business, a husband and wife, who were leading the family business, regularly talked about the situation at their family dinner table. This allowed their children to understand the realities of the business and make a more informed decision for themselves if being involved in the business was the right choice for them.
Similarly, non-family business members can understand that an occasional violation of the boundaries that they set can be healthy, offering opportunities for connection, learning, and problem-solving, while also teaching valuable lessons about boundaries and vulnerability. For example, discussing work with your partner can help them to better understand your professional challenges and might lead to fresh perspectives and emotional support. Similarly, taking a work call from the kitchen while your children are having lunch can give them insights into what it means to do your job and provide them with real-world lessons on communication and decision-making. By observing how you navigate workplace conflicts or challenges, children can learn constructive ways to handle stress and seek support when needed – whether for a complex school assignment or a professional setback. During crises, briefly allowing work to overlap with personal time can avert larger disruptions and showcase adaptability. Discussing how professional goals align with family values can also inspire pride and a shared sense of purpose. When approached with care, these moments of overlap strengthen relationships, encourage growth, and offer meaningful life lessons for everyone involved.
Leaders today face unprecedented challenges in managing the blurred lines between work and personal life. Enterprising families offer valuable lessons for navigating these complexities and by implementing simple practices like creating symbolic “rooms,” defining clear time boundaries, resisting the urge to micromanage remotely, and learning to embrace occasional spillovers, enterprising families demonstrate that it’s possible to balance overlapping roles with intention and discipline. These approaches not only reduce stress and role confusion but also foster stronger relationships, emotional resilience, and meaningful growth opportunities for everyone in the family. Leaders who adopt some of these strategies can create healthier dynamics, both at work and at home, and thrive.
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