You’re reporting homophobia wrong: Try this instead 

How do you currently deal with homophobia?

1. A colleague makes a joke that seems to demean a co-worker’s sexual orientation. How do you respond?

a. Laugh along to maintain social harmony, but privately express your disapproval to the person who was the butt of the joke.

b. Report the incident to HR immediately, emphasising the severity of the offence.

c. Publicly call out the behavior to make an example of the offender.

The constructive approach:

Reflect on why you feel uncomfortable and use a neutral statement such as, “I’m not sure that joke landed well” to open dialogue.

 2. A colleague frequently makes comments about “traditional values” that seem to implicitly criticise LGBTQ+ relationships. How do you respond?

a. Debate the validity of “traditional” versus “modern values”.

b. Vociferously disagree with their views.

c. Share statistics about the prevalence of LGBTQ+ people in the workplace to emphasise their normalcy.

The constructive approach:

Highlight shared values such as treating everyone with respect and creating a welcoming environment for all.

3. A new team member makes an offhand comment based on stereotypes about LGBTQ+ people. While not overtly hostile, it creates a sense of unease. How do you handle the situation?

a. Ignore the comment, assuming the newbie will learn the office culture over time.

b. Publicly correct them to establish clear boundaries.

c. Report the comment to HR and request formal mediation.

The constructive approach:

Initiate a private conversation, focusing on the impact of the comment and shared values of respect and inclusion.

Practical framework for reforming homophobic views

1. Acknowledge, don’t agree

Your gut reaction might be to shut things down or get defensive. That’s valid, but it can backfire and often makes the other person double down on their views. Instead, try a neutral acknowledgement, such as “I hear you” or “I get that’s how you see it.” This isn’t condoning homophobia; it’s opening space for dialogue.

2. Dig into the “Why”

Resist simply labelling and condemning. Try to understand why someone holds that belief by asking open-ended, genuinely curious questions, not accusatory ones – “Could you help me understand where that comes from?” or “What’s shaped your thinking on that?” You might uncover misinformation, cultural norms, fear, or a lack of personal connection with LGBTQ+ individuals.

3. Find common ground 

Look for shared values beyond sexual orientation. Do you both value respect, teamwork, a positive environment? Try saying, “We both want a workplace where everyone, regardless of differences, feels comfortable and can do their best work, right?” Highlighting shared values can build a bridge.

4. Share your perspective

When the time’s right, share your own experience using “I” statements, such as, “When I hear comments like that, it makes me feel I might be excluded”, or, “His relationship is just a normal relationship, like anyone else’s.” It’s easy for people to discriminate when they see someone as a representation of something they dislike, rather than as another human being. Grounding the situation and making it personal makes it harder to dismiss.

5. Reframe and zoom out

Instead of confrontation, reframe the issue around shared values. Zoom out to the universal experience of love and partnership. Try saying, “I understand your beliefs, but his relationship is about the same things as any other – love, support, companionship.” The aim is to shift focus from difference to similarity, fostering relatability.