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Brain Circuits
Out of the question #1: How to respond when you can’t say “I don’t know”
When confronted with difficult questions, we immediately think about what we should say, rather than how we say it – but non-verbal signals often carry more weight than words, greatly increasing the credibility of our answers. Try these soft skills to deal with hard questions.
1. Breathe (out)!
No matter the question you’re asked, it’s your physiology that will inspire trust. So, before saying anything, make sure your body language is calm. When we’re startled, we hold our breath, which sends an alarm signal to our brain, starting a stress-induced response. This increases our fight-or-flee capability, but decreases our survival ability in a professional context. Start by breathing out before answering, exhaling for a little longer than you normally would.
Why it works:
- Breathing out decreases your sky-rocketing heart rate and allows you to keep accessing your neocortex – the part of the brain connected with higher-order skills like decision-making and creative thinking.
2. Relax!
To signal confidence, relax your neck and shoulders, straighten up, and clearly articulate your words at a measured pace.
Why it works:
- A tense body screams doubt. Your voice will not come across as assertive. Try to look and sound at ease and in control – precisely because your content may not be 100% convincing.
3. Save face!
Relax your face, jaws, mouth, and forehead, and even tilt your head a little to look more at ease and less like a rabbit in the headlights. Nod slightly to signal your engagement and validate your interlocutor.
Why it works:
- Worry, insecurity, and hesitation often show up on our faces or through our gestures. We frown, bite our lips, and tense our jaws. Save your face metaphorically by literally keeping a neutral expression.
4. Stop stimming!
We often resort to self-soothing behaviors (‘stimming’) such as foot-tapping, fidgeting, or playing with a pen without noticing. While this may help lessen our anxiety, but it also reveals it to others. If you catch yourself stimming, slow it down! And practice managing these behaviors in low-stakes situations, so you can stop or reduce them when you’re under pressure.
Why it works:
- Slowing the ‘stim’ down makes it look like a reflective, controlled movement that helps you appear thoughtful.
Key learning
When faced with questions that you can’t or don’t want to answer directly, first focus on your body language and stay calm. Remember: looking doubtful and tense will only undermine your content.
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